It will probably come as a surprise for girls to learn that boys almost never attempt to be close to a girl solely for friendship. There is perhaps always some attraction involved. Most girls will ...
It will probably come as a surprise for girls to learn that boys almost never attempt to be close to a girl solely for friendship. There is perhaps always some attraction involved. Most girls will attest to this, that many of their romantic interaction with boys began with some seemingly "innocent" contact.
But whether boys will admit or deny this is beside the point. Because there is such a thing as unconscious motives. An individual will keep interacting with someone because of some hidden or secret attraction, of which he or she may not even be aware.
Fear of outright rejection often makes a person hesitate to express directly any romantic interest towards another. And so, instead of a clear declaration, many will resort to an indirect means.
It's usually the case now that a guy will not approach a girl directly and state his attraction. That is just too creepy for most girls. If the guy is a classmate or an officemate, he will first attempt to become part of the girl's circle of friends, appearing to be genuinely thoughtful to everyone. This friendly behavior of the guy gains the favor of her friends while at the same time provides camouflage for his true intentions. And once the girl has gotten comfortable with the guy's presence, the next stage begins.
One indirect method is for the guy to give constant attention to the girl. Simple regular greetings can evolve into asking how she is. When the girl starts sharing about herself, her ups and downs, the guy shows concern and volunteers to do things for her. The girl perceives this as sweetness which eventually transforms into dependence on the guy. And this is when mutual feelings begin to develop. The guy will allow this to grow gradually. And when he senses that the girl has become attached to him, that is when he makes his move.
Another indirect approach is appealing to a girl's nurturing nature. Girls are programmed with empathy because they will become mothers one day. A girl tends to be concerned when someone she knows is problematic. Some guys are aware of this and take advantage of it. A guy could begin his approach to a girl by sharing his "problem" whether it is true or just made up. In many cases, guys tend to share their woes with a current romantic partner and begin asking advice from the girl. The girl unknowingly takes the bait and her concern for the guy begins to grow without her noticing it. When the guy detects this, this is when he makes his move.
The third is what I call the "irritate and praise" approach. The guy will constantly tease the girl with mildly irritating comments about her looks and behavior. This makes the girl self conscious making her think shes not attractive. This lowers her self esteem somewhat. But the guy is just after her attention while at the same time conditioning her to get used to his. At some point the guy will stop irritating the girl and will begin praising her. This sudden upward surge of self esteem from the guy's praises will put the girl on an intoxicating emotional roller coaster. She will want the teasing to stop and for the praises to continue.
Take note, that all these instances give the guy the cover of deniability. No one can claim that he is courting the girl in any of these cases. He can always say that he's just a "friend." But these methods are all very effective.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Edward Fabella, PhD is a research director, a dean and a graduate school professor in the Philippines. He is the author of War of Ascension fantasy novel trilogy available on Amazon.com. Follow him on Twitter @ErickFabella